Where Have You Been Silencing Yourself?

Women in particular have been socialized to be quiet, agreeable, and selfless---in other words, to not rock the boat. Unfortunately, when we do that, we pay a price, we don't speak our truth. And, with that we give away our power, little by little, piece by piece.

Standing up doesn’t always mean marching in the streets with a megaphone. Sometimes, it simply means finding the courage to speak your own truth — with self-compassion and honesty. It’s about giving voice to your needs, wants, and desires, which you deserve, even when it feels uncomfortable.

In my coaching practice — and in my own life — I’ve seen how often women sense that something isn’t quite right. It might be with a friend, a family member, or more often, a significant other. One client, for example, shared that her husband frequently traveled for work, and deep down, she suspected he was being unfaithful. Instead of addressing her concerns, she justified her silence: He’s a good provider. We live in a beautiful home. Why rock the boat?

Beneath those thoughts was a painful belief — that she didn’t deserve honesty, or that she wouldn’t be strong enough to handle the truth if she spoke up.

What Is the Cost of Your Silence? Reflect on the Following:

1. Where in your life have you stayed silent to avoid conflict, discomfort, or rejection?

   
   

2. What did it cost you (emotionally, physically, self-worth)?

   
   

3. What might shift if you spoke your truth--even in small, honest ways?

"You get in life what you have the courage to ask for." -Oprah Winfrey

From Pleasing Others to Pleasing Yourself

In your journal or on a blank sheet of paper, create two columns:

Column 1: At the top write: "What I've done to please others..." (List 5 examples without judgment)

Column 2:At the top write: "What I can do to please myself..." Brainstorm 5 actions, choices, or boundaries that honor your emotional, physical, mental, and/or spiritual needs.

Challenge:

1) What would change if you made decisions from a place of self-trust, instead of fear of disappointing others?

2) Think of one place where you've been silencing yourself and then take a courageous mini-action.

For example:

• Speak a boundary.

• Ask for what you need.

• Say no without apology

Next, reflect on how it felt. What changed?

“A woman with a voice is, by definition, a strong woman.”

— Melinda Gates